I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
