If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
