You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
