i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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