im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
