His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
