I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
