So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
