guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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