of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
