i just made my gag reflex go away.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize