wanna go halves on a baby?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
