NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
