oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
