"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
