It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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