My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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