that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
