Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
