If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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