Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize