...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
