I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize