How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
