Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
