from now on my penis is your penis
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
