were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
