I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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