Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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