The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
