in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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