OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
