i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
