he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
