yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
