she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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