yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
