We tried having a conversation with our noses.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
