walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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