I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize