thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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