Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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