He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
