I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My pussy is not your playground.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
