MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize