Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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