Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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