"it" just moved
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
