I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
