so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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