woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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