I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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