dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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