Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
