I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
