Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
