dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
