I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
