I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
