She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize