i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
