Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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