how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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