my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
where am i from again
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
