Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
