smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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