just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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