I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
