I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
